Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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