Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
