Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
