It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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