I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
