Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
