Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
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We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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