I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
