Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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