picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
