who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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