my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
