On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
