kristin has been a bad kristin
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
