you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
