make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
