I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You are a booty call, not a friend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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