I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize