JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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