Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
