Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
