There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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