No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
