Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
