Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
