Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
