Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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