do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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