ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sorry about my life...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
