Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
