i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I intend to get homeless drunk
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
