He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
