Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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