That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
