At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
