They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
