Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
