Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
