Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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