We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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