I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
