I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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