She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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