lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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