Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize