Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
