It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
