I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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