In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
