i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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