Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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