To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
