Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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