They should really pass out barf bags in church
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
