I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
