I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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