There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
