alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
