Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
