good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
