I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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