Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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