I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
