maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sext me about skeletons
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
