im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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