I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
