Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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