Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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