Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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