I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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