my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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